Imagine you were handed a checklist of things someone thought you should be doing to improve your fitness, health, or wellness. The list may make sense and have some actions that get you closer to some of the goals you’ve created for yourself. But you ask yourself, “Where do I even start to fit these actions into my life?”
And what if that checklist contradicts information you read in the next article that pops up? Okay, am I supposed to count macros or not? Do I exercise in the morning or at night to get the best benefits? Wait, how much protein am I supposed to be taking in?
Now imagine you’re working with someone who partners with you to discuss your long-term goals and objectives. And, the way those goals align with your values and the way you see yourself. The discussion continues until you’ve developed the action steps that’ll get you there. So that, instead of an action list that came from dubious sources, you have a list of actions that have meaning and clarity into how they fit into your life. Including the motivations behind them. And, again via the partnership, you dig a little deeper to determine what may keep you from following the action plan, informing any adjustments to be made. Either in your life or the action steps themselves. And finally, you share how you can keep yourself accountable to actually achieve them.
This is coaching. A partnership.
Do you see how one approach leaves you scrambling and with more work for you to figure out on your own?
Do you see another way? A better way? A way that, through partnership, deeper levels of awareness and understanding happen? Our goals shouldn’t just be dreams. Left to observe in our imaginations. We’re supposed to actually realize them.
Think about the last time you told someone what they should do. Maybe they did it. Maybe they didn’t. Either way, the chances are probably pretty decent that whatever you were telling them to do was your agenda. And, the person you were giving instructions to was probably left with little to no agency. How did all parties involved feel?
Now, of course, there certainly is a time and place to direct. I mean, I was a teenager and a little direction here and there got me back on track when it needed to. And I certainly didn’t enjoy my agency for much of the time I was in the Army. But, does it have to be that way all the time?
The way I see it, coaching promotes action, self-efficacy, and confidence. And when I say that’s the way I see it, I mean, I’ve really seen it. It’s exhilarating to watch this happen in other people. People take meaningful action toward what’s important to them. Self-efficacy creates foundations for future success, with the belief instilled that they have the ability to succeed. And confidence. Where can’t we go when we have confidence?
My kind of coaching is focused on health and wellness. I’ll talk more about what makes health and wellness coaching different from other types of coaching in a future newsletter. But, I wanted to mention this up front to make sure we all have the right understanding. Because, yes, there are a lot of different types of coaching out there. And yes, several people have told me this sounds a bit like life coaching. I mean, it sort of is. While I do try to focus on the fitness, health, and wellness, the conversations clients have with me almost always go beyond. Sometimes waaaay beyond. And why not. Most everything in our lives is quite interrelated. But, it’s my job to help keep everyone focused and on track.
And, while we’re on the subject of what coaching sounds like, we need to take a moment to look at other similar services. These would be therapy, mental health, consulting, and mentoring. Let’s take a minute to sort these out. I made the graphic below to try to help create a little separation between these services. It’s a bit simplistic and not meant to show that there are always clear and definitive dividing lines. But, I hope you see I try to make some distinctions.
In therapy, discussions are generally oriented toward determining a diagnosis and then fixing something. This sometimes involves a deep exploration of one’s past. Therapy is awesome. There is definitely a time and place for therapy. In quite a few cases, people will work with both a therapist and a health and wellness coach in order to achieve their goals.
Mentoring or consulting is usually pretty directive. The mentor or consultant is free to provide solutions that help those they’re working with reach the desired end state. Like therapy, there are situations where these services are appropriate and needed. But the relationships formed here are pretty much one-sided in terms of information flow.
In coaching, we’re not trying to fix anything or anyone. We see our clients as whole individuals, who are resourceful in crafting the solutions they need to get to their goals. And the coach will always be the one talking less. This is the client’s time to talk about their future desires and goals, and how they’re going to get there. And they can do this because everyone brings their motivations and experience to a session.
Okay, last couple of points.
Many people think when they start coaching, the first thing that will come up it to determine what you need to remove from your life. I think it’s fair to say we all could use a little more simplicity but this isn’t the focus of coaching. Opportunities are the focus. Sure, I’ve sometimes explored with people things that are no longer serving them. But, this is explored through the lens of growth and opportunity. It never drives the coaching session.
Finally, I want to say that there’s a coach in all of us. Coaching is human. A neat, and unexpected, benefit that you get when you’ve been in a coaching partnership for a little while is that your conversations improve. For example, I’ve found that I ask more open-ended questions now. This takes conversations into unexpected directions. Open-ended questions prompt people to provide more thoughtful responses. I can see the different level of thinking that’s going on as people explore whatever the topic is at a deeper level. This has happened for me in my consulting career and in personal conversations. I’ve gained so many more rewarding insights from people with this one little change.
Well, we’ve talked a lot at a high-level about what coaching is. I hope this has answered some questions you may have had and more. In the next newsletter, I’ll dive deeper into the tools coaches have available to support action, self-efficacy, and confidence when working with clients. Believe me, open-ended questions is only the start….
Lemme know what you think!
Chris
I had no idea how I was going to help this person. She had just told me one of her biggest challenges in her life. Well, at least a big one at this moment.
Oh, boy, where do I go with this? How do I make sure I don’t just leave her hanging without a way forward?
And who was I to be the one to be in a position to help her?
I mean, I joined the Army at 17. Mom had to sign the paperwork to get me in. I ended up making it a 20-year career. Ha, career number one. It was three days after ‘retirement’ when I started my second career, consulting. Easy landing. I went right back to the same office, one cubicle over from where I was sitting the previous week. This time, wearing a suit and tie instead of the Battle Dress Uniform.
Life was good. I was able to use my strengths. Organization, project management, and implementing solutions using systems design to help my clients achieve their objectives.
But 15 years in, I unexpectedly woke up. It shouldn’t have been so unexpected. But it was.
I was at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. My son, Carter, was stationed there, his second year as a Marine. In case you’re wondering, yes, I tried hard to get him to join the Army instead, but, well, I digress.
He was going in for an eye procedure and Dear Old Dad got to go help take care of him. The procedure went well, and he was resting. Time to go get a workout in.
Now, understand, even though I wasn’t in the Army anymore, I still loved taking care of myself and staying fit, healthy, and well. This has been very important to me. For decades. From my days in high school when I was in track and wrestling (Thank you, Coach Miller and Coach Brickell…). The Army just gave me new tools, and I kept building up my health and wellness knowledge while working as a consultant.
So, it’s October 2022. I’m at the Wallace Creek Fitness Center in the middle of the day. Very rare for me to be able to work out at that time of day. And as I work out, Marines are filing in. Stripping off cammie tops and getting their pump on (yes, they had their t-shirts on). As I continued my workout, I started to feel a sense of consternation. I knew they would be back the next day, the next week. Doing the same thing. Because fitness was part of their life. Taking care of themselves, being healthy. Knowing the work they were doing would pay dividends down the road. Their futures.
My future. Back to the desk. Back to the cube. In just a few days.
It immediately felt maddening just thinking about that. So, in literally a week, I had begun to chart a new path. But this path wasn’t just so I could make going to the gym a bigger part of my life. I wanted to be able to help other people who wanted the same thing. The research on how I was going to do this began.
Research turned to action. Talking to people. Mapping out options. Identifying my knowledge gaps (soooo many…) Over time, I got my Certificate in Nutrition Science from Stanford. I got my Certified Personal Trainer certificate from NASM. I attended Saybrook University for my certificate in Integrative Wellness Coaching. Then I earned my National Board Certified – Health and Wellness Coach certification from the National Board for Health and Wellness Coaching. And, because it’s a big deal and such an important topic, my Certified Menopause Coaching Specialist certification. Next up, an M.S. in Strength and Human Performance.
How will these pieces fit together? That’s part of building my new path. The path that brought me to talking to someone who had just told me one of her biggest challenges going on in her life at the moment. I was coaching her and was struggling with what she had shared. She was stuck and looking to me to be her partner to help her understand what was going on and work with her to create action steps to help her meet her goal. None of my questions were helping to get us to the root of the issue, which was related to healthier eating and nutrition. As I asked questions, I gave her space to explore and talk through what was going on for her. Finally, she discovered the core issue. No, really, that’s exactly what she said, “That’s probably the core of it.” Her insight caught me by surprise. It turns out, to her, cooking was ‘wasting time’.
With that realization, we had a place to go. I felt triumphant. A breakthrough. From there, she came up with her action plan and a way to hold herself accountable to sticking to it.
Success.
While it’s still a very windy path, I’m 100% committed to it. I’m still consulting. Gotta pay the bills. But over time, I intend to figure out how to achieve my goal. My goal of being able to help other people who want the same thing. Fitness. Health. Wellbeing.
These three goals exist for different purposes for different people. Some want to live longer, healthier lives. Some want to be present for their families in a healthier way. Some want inner peace through wellness. Some want the confidence of being able to do what they want and revisit long-lost passions. And some just want to look good naked. These are just some of the reasons people I’ve worked with have shared with me.
While I won’t limit my eventual services to health and wellness coaching, that has been a major part of my journey so far. So, in my first newsletter series coming up, I’ll talk about that. What is coaching, how it works, and why it works. I’ll also share an approach I’ve created that builds on the coaching principles I’ve learned, enabling you to implement sustainable lifestyle changes for improved health and wellness with greater confidence, even in the face of obstacles. I hope you’ll stay tuned.
For now, my humble ask is that you share this with anyone you think might get some use out of these thoughts. If you or someone you know wants to contact me directly, email me at chris@methodfitwell.com
