Imagine you were handed a checklist of things someone thought you should be doing to improve your fitness, health, or wellness. The list may make sense and have some actions that get you closer to some of the goals you’ve created for yourself. But you ask yourself, “Where do I even start to fit these actions into my life?”
And what if that checklist contradicts information you read in the next article that pops up? Okay, am I supposed to count macros or not? Do I exercise in the morning or at night to get the best benefits? Wait, how much protein am I supposed to be taking in?
Now imagine you’re working with someone who partners with you to discuss your long-term goals and objectives. And, the way those goals align with your values and the way you see yourself. The discussion continues until you’ve developed the action steps that’ll get you there. So that, instead of an action list that came from dubious sources, you have a list of actions that have meaning and clarity into how they fit into your life. Including the motivations behind them. And, again via the partnership, you dig a little deeper to determine what may keep you from following the action plan, informing any adjustments to be made. Either in your life or the action steps themselves. And finally, you share how you can keep yourself accountable to actually achieve them.
This is coaching. A partnership.
Do you see how one approach leaves you scrambling and with more work for you to figure out on your own?
Do you see another way? A better way? A way that, through partnership, deeper levels of awareness and understanding happen? Our goals shouldn’t just be dreams. Left to observe in our imaginations. We’re supposed to actually realize them.
Think about the last time you told someone what they should do. Maybe they did it. Maybe they didn’t. Either way, the chances are probably pretty decent that whatever you were telling them to do was your agenda. And, the person you were giving instructions to was probably left with little to no agency. How did all parties involved feel?
Now, of course, there certainly is a time and place to direct. I mean, I was a teenager and a little direction here and there got me back on track when it needed to. And I certainly didn’t enjoy my agency for much of the time I was in the Army. But, does it have to be that way all the time?
The way I see it, coaching promotes action, self-efficacy, and confidence. And when I say that’s the way I see it, I mean, I’ve really seen it. It’s exhilarating to watch this happen in other people. People take meaningful action toward what’s important to them. Self-efficacy creates foundations for future success, with the belief instilled that they have the ability to succeed. And confidence. Where can’t we go when we have confidence?
My kind of coaching is focused on health and wellness. I’ll talk more about what makes health and wellness coaching different from other types of coaching in a future newsletter. But, I wanted to mention this up front to make sure we all have the right understanding. Because, yes, there are a lot of different types of coaching out there. And yes, several people have told me this sounds a bit like life coaching. I mean, it sort of is. While I do try to focus on the fitness, health, and wellness, the conversations clients have with me almost always go beyond. Sometimes waaaay beyond. And why not. Most everything in our lives is quite interrelated. But, it’s my job to help keep everyone focused and on track.
And, while we’re on the subject of what coaching sounds like, we need to take a moment to look at other similar services. These would be therapy, mental health, consulting, and mentoring. Let’s take a minute to sort these out. I made the graphic below to try to help create a little separation between these services. It’s a bit simplistic and not meant to show that there are always clear and definitive dividing lines. But, I hope you see I try to make some distinctions.
In therapy, discussions are generally oriented toward determining a diagnosis and then fixing something. This sometimes involves a deep exploration of one’s past. Therapy is awesome. There is definitely a time and place for therapy. In quite a few cases, people will work with both a therapist and a health and wellness coach in order to achieve their goals.
Mentoring or consulting is usually pretty directive. The mentor or consultant is free to provide solutions that help those they’re working with reach the desired end state. Like therapy, there are situations where these services are appropriate and needed. But the relationships formed here are pretty much one-sided in terms of information flow.
In coaching, we’re not trying to fix anything or anyone. We see our clients as whole individuals, who are resourceful in crafting the solutions they need to get to their goals. And the coach will always be the one talking less. This is the client’s time to talk about their future desires and goals, and how they’re going to get there. And they can do this because everyone brings their motivations and experience to a session.
Okay, last couple of points.
Many people think when they start coaching, the first thing that will come up it to determine what you need to remove from your life. I think it’s fair to say we all could use a little more simplicity but this isn’t the focus of coaching. Opportunities are the focus. Sure, I’ve sometimes explored with people things that are no longer serving them. But, this is explored through the lens of growth and opportunity. It never drives the coaching session.
Finally, I want to say that there’s a coach in all of us. Coaching is human. A neat, and unexpected, benefit that you get when you’ve been in a coaching partnership for a little while is that your conversations improve. For example, I’ve found that I ask more open-ended questions now. This takes conversations into unexpected directions. Open-ended questions prompt people to provide more thoughtful responses. I can see the different level of thinking that’s going on as people explore whatever the topic is at a deeper level. This has happened for me in my consulting career and in personal conversations. I’ve gained so many more rewarding insights from people with this one little change.
Well, we’ve talked a lot at a high-level about what coaching is. I hope this has answered some questions you may have had and more. In the next newsletter, I’ll dive deeper into the tools coaches have available to support action, self-efficacy, and confidence when working with clients. Believe me, open-ended questions is only the start….
Lemme know what you think!
Chris
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